Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
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