one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
