did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
