the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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