I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
