I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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