remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
