I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
