Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Randomize
