1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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