Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
