I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
