So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
