just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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