It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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