you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
