you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
