the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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