hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
