Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
