Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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