just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize