the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
