The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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