things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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