we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Hippo gnu deer
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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