This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
