Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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