nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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