Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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