so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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