"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
