After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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