Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
This is my gift to your gina
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Randomize
