I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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