My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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