when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
