she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Just cropdusted the office
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
