I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize