You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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