38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
