thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
