OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
