I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
