Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Randomize
