i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
