He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize