All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
