I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Randomize