Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
