Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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