sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
