I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
