You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
