You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
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