I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
