You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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