I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
