guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize