If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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