You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
that's an acceptable place to lick
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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