He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
