you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize