Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
