I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
