She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize