I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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