i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
