I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
