My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
