She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
