My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
