if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
