I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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