He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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