please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
