i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
