Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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