I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
