Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
