is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
