I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
