my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Randomize