He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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