Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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