I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
