Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
