I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
