I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
