At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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