about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
My vagina is very pro this idea
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
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