So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Randomize
