i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
