If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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