Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
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